How do i forget the one i loved like hell and the girl he loves now is so beutifull,how do i avoid it?HELP ME.?

hi m 20,and i was in a relation with aboy from last 4 years. we both know we cant marry as we are cousins. i was so ashamed to b doing that but i love him deep to oceans,even i do now. in sarting he loved me lot he did always but he was always tensed of getting catced by someone so he rarely do anything for me this is what he tell me when i ask him y u dont do anything for me. he loves a lot and he do it with me on ph daily for hrs but rarely talks of something else,and when i talk and ask him to talk about the love he gets irritated so i never do that. m a good girl believe me,i never had any boy as a friend i ve very few friends i never talk to boys i taked with him as he was a cousin of mine. he proposed me i regret it but he was on with it so i agree and i strated loving him truly. we were together for 4yrs but we met hardely for 10tims in these 4yrs,but we always tak by ph or online,by cam n stuff. he like other girls but i dont like this and when i say anything he simply say its normal.. he rarely find time for me and if he do he want after that he has no mood of talking me and call me irritating,but eanwhile i find him playing,netsurfing and going out with friends but no time for me. but i carry all this bec i can do all for him i love him to heights and i use to tell him all this. a few months back he saw a girl and he went mad on her he called me and he told me all but he was yet asking me to have and i did bec otherwise he is not talking me... i felt so bad daily like killing me... now he went mad for her he wants to marry her and he is trying everything,he is talking to her parents he is trying that she will agree and get marry.. and much much more i cant write all but he loves her and doing much what he never did with me. i stoped talking him but he again contacted with me talking me nicely really said he love me but he want with me,he said he want it whole life. what he think of me it hearts me a lot m a girl a gud girl,i changed myself fully for him and he treat me like a garbage.. i saw that girl snap she is soo beutifull then me really she is sooo cute and beautifull. m not in a gud state i open her account 10times a day keep getting out information about her and about him all the day... m goning mad. i dont wants to do all this,i wanna be happy i wanna pray i want peace in me but it hearts me lot that she looks so beutifull then me and he dumped me bec of such a beutifull girl...y m i not so y god made me like this,not beutifulll.. she is even intelligent i dont want that he will get her really but i love him so much that i keep thinking m i doing something wrong like this. i wanna be beutifull i wanna be a very good girl like i was. i changed myself for him,he taught me everything i knew nothing about and all... and he knew that i love him so much and i want him. but plsss help me to get out of it let me make it clear i dont want any new relation and all i wannna be a happy me. so plss help me out of it i want to be a free bird a loving person and a confident me... help me plsss soon m going mad everyday.. it pinch me inside..